waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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