I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.