I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She bit a glass in half.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.