Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today