im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.