no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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