Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
