Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
