Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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