If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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