a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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