While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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