It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
