Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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