So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
