does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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