Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
