I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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