I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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