I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
