Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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