Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
