just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
