I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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