Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I party with great urgency now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
