help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize