I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
