Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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