We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
