Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
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I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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