Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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