just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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