I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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