Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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