Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
