I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
