I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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