your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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