$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
