I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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