My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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