My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
