I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
