my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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