When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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