Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
