so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
