I'm lost and stupid without you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
