My sheets look like a crime scene.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
