I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
