that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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