There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize