my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
