Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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