I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
