dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
