Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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