I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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