i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
