i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
