I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
