So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
