All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
