Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
