I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
