if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
