It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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