I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
