All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm really busy with my period
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