Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
