Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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