we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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